


a family member he hates

by SylphEmblem



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, mentions of rodrigue and glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 08:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20306197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SylphEmblem/pseuds/SylphEmblem
Summary: the battle of gronder has passed, and sylvain finds felix in a new place.[major spoilers for the blue lions route]





	a family member he hates

“I didn’t expect to find you up here.”

Felix has long gotten used to his friends’ surprise appearances; steps quieter than they ought to be for the man who carries them. With no response, his friend continues to speak. 

“I thought you would have been holed up in your room, or at the training grounds. I can’t blame you for wanting to be up here though. It’s beautiful.” He takes the continued silence as permission- a habit Felix knows he won’t break. His friend leans over the balcony, arms folded beneath him. 

It was true, Felix rarely came to the third floor of the monastery. There was nothing there besides Lady Rhea’s room and the star tower. But this seemed to be the best place to be alone right now. Sylvain knows why he came here, however. 

It was the last place Rodrigue stood before…

Thanks to the end of the Great Tree Moon and the beginning of the Harpstring Moon, and evening falling over the two, there’s less of a chill outside. Nothing compared to the cool Harpstring Moon springs of Faerghus, though. The sun is setting, painting the sky beautiful hues of pinks and oranges. The sky doesn’t match the mood.

“Something like that.” Felix says noncommittally, still staring out to the sky in front of them, above them. He doesn’t like to make eye contact as it is, but especially now, he doesn’t want to. “What do you want, Sylvain?”

Sylvain throws him a sideways glance, no goofy grin on his face, or joke on his lips. “To see how you were doing, of course.”

“Well, you’re seeing.” He says, voice even. “I’m fine.”

“I don’t buy that.” 

Sylvain has known Felix long enough to understand how he shows his grief. His fear. His sadness. He remembers when Glenn died, when Felix refused to come out of his room after his shouting match with his father, and then how he turned a training dummy to scraps with his practice sword; his arms shaking with exhaustion, face bright red and hair clinging to the sweat on his neck, yet refusing to stop.

He remembers when Felix shouted at him, 14 and heartbroken, that his brother was gone, and that they couldn’t even find a body to send back. All they had was his armor, and empty apologies from other nobles who heard the news. All Felix had was a father that betrayed him with his words.

He remembers when he wept into his arms, tears wetting Sylvain’s shoulder as he ran fingers through Felix’s hair. Felix cried until there were no more tears to be had, just weak, empty sobs and shaking shoulders.

He remembers the change in Felix when his grieving was over. He kept everyone at arm’s length, snarky and mean so that he would not get hurt again. Sylvain saw through that, and came back every single time, much to Felix’s disdain... or his relief.

Felix doesn’t cry anymore.

“I’m fine.” He says again, though his body betrays him, his hand balling into a fist on the ledge, nails digging crescent marks into his palm. 

“Felix...” Sylvain reaches forward to place a hand on the others shoulder, only to have him jerk away, his head turning away as well.

“Don’t touch me.” He bites out, refusing to look him in the eye. “Go away.”

“I won’t.” Sylvain has always managed to rival Felix’s stubborn attitude. “After the battle...”

“Sylvain.” He hisses, warning tone in his voice. Felix knows where this is going, and he doesn’t want it to. This is the last thing he wants to think about. The girl’s crazed screeches, the sound of her knife stabbing into skin, a body falling to the ground… His eyes squeeze shut, but even there he cannot escape the sounds of what happened, cannot shake the image in his brain.

Sylvain doesn’t waver- in fact, his resolve only strengthens. He looks out towards the setting sun once more. Its sunk down further, sky turning deep purples and reds. He can’t help but think of how this time of day always matched the color of Felix’s eyes. “I saw it too, you know.”

“Shut up.” He whispers harshly.

“What that girl did.”

“Shut up.”

“Felix, your f-“

“Shut up, Sylvain!” He shouts, slamming his fist down on the stone ledge, whipping his head around to glare at his friend. He thinks his hand hurts, but he isn’t sure, he can’t remember the last feeling he had. 

“What are you gaining from this? What do you want from me?” Sylvian can hear Felix’s teeth grinding, can see his eyebrows pulled together and shoulders shaking. Felix is like a cornered animal, he thinks, ready to lash out however he needs to escape.

“I want to help you.” Sylvain says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. He doesn’t move any closer, but he’s watching Felix carefully. 

“I don’t want it.” He turns to walk away from Sylvain, only to have his wrist grabbed. “Let go of me or I’m going to shove my sword up your ass.”

“I dare you to try.” He pulls the other man into his arms, one hand against the back of Felix’s head, the other arm across his back. Sylvain feels how stiff he is, and he can’t blame him; Felix was never one for being touchy feely, not in these times.

Sylvain can hear another “let go of me”, this time far weaker, quieter, shakier. He’s breaking down Felix’s walls for the first time in years, seeing the man who still felt things so strongly. Despite Felix’s previous objections to being held, hesitant arms wrap around Sylvain, fingers hooking into the fabric of his shirt. 

Felix hasn’t been this vulnerable in years.

“I know how much you hated your father.” He runs fingers through dark hair, voice quiet. Night has nearly fallen over them. “But I know what it’s like to lose a family member you hate. After everything, they were still family.” 

Sylvain didn’t grieve Miklan, but he grieved what could have been, if his parents had realized what Miklan did when they weren’t looking, if he wasn’t preferred just because of his crest. He grieved what became of himself because of Miklan.

“I could never forgive him for what he said about Glenn after he died.” Felix says quietly, voice shaky. “But the old man went off and died for the boar prince too. It snapped him out of his inane haze, but at what cost?” The cost of not one, but two Fraldarius family members in nine years, Felix thinks bitterly.

“I know, Felix.” He says softly, pressing his cheek to the top of his head. He hears soft sniffles that he’s stubbornly trying to keep silent. It’s just like when they were younger, Felix came to Sylvain to cry, and Sylvain helped him every single time. “If you need to cry, it’s okay.”

That causes the dam to break, Felix letting out quiet sobs into Sylvain’s shoulder, gripping his shirt tight enough to make his knuckles white. All Sylvain can do is listen and hold him tighter.

“Glenn... my father...” he starts in between weeps. “They aren’t even buried together. My father didn’t deserve to be buried here. He should be at home. He’s a Fraldarius.”

Sylvain didn’t even realize that until Felix mentioned it. With the war, they couldn’t afford to send Rodrigue back to Fraldarius, so the next best thing was to bury him at the monastery. He was near Jeralt’s grave, another fallen father. With Glenn’s grave without a body, and his father a world away... Felix was alone, then, wasn’t he? His family separated from him by death and location.

“I’m so sorry.” Sylvain whispers, pressing a gentle kiss to Felix’s head, just like when they were younger. It’s the only comfort he could think to offer, and he was pleasantly surprised that Felix leans deeper into him.

“He should be home.” Felix sobs, and doesn’t seem to have anything more to say after that. He tried so hard to hate his father, and he doesn’t want to admit that maybe, he still cared for him despite their opposing ideals. A few chats with Seteth helped Felix to understand that, perhaps too late. 

He lets himself cry quietly against Sylvain’s shoulder, finally feeling like he could allow himself to mourn everything that he lost. The friendships, the former classmates, the family. He mourned the years lost to war, being forced to survive instead of live. He feels small, weak... but he is safe in Sylvain’s arms. 

Night has fallen around them by the time Felix pulls himself back from Sylvain’s hold, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. He looks up, stars splattered across the sky. Despite everything, they stayed shining. No matter how much blood was spilled, how many lives lost, stars never changed. He found comfort in that.

Sylvain’s hands stayed resting on Felix’s shoulders, watching him with gentle eyes. From what he could tell, Felix had calmed down significantly. 

“Sylvain.” He starts, still looking above them. 

“Yes, Felix?”

“We’ve lost so much.” He says, one of his resting on top of one of Sylvain’s. “I have lost so much.”

The redhead nods, slowly lifting his other hand to rest on Felix’s cheek. Felix leans into it, eyes looking at the ground. 

“I refuse to lose you too.” 

His breath all but stops, but his thumbs runs over the others cheek on its own. “You won’t.” Sylvain promises. 

Felix lets out a humorless chuckle, shutting his eyes. “I know that. We made a promise.” One he can’t believe they both remember after all these years. “But my point stands. Don’t leave me alone.”

It’s Sylvain’s turn to laugh. He decides to throw caution to the wind and leans in to kiss Felix’s forehead, hearing the others breath hitch, just slightly. “I wouldn’t dream of it. I don’t want to lose you either.” 

The sentiment makes Felix smile. For all that Sylvain lies about, he knows this is the truth. Very quietly, he thanks the other man, a sigh leaving him after.

“How are you feeling?” He asks.

“Better.” He thinks so, anyway. That answer seems to satisfy Sylvain, forcing himself to pull his hand away from Felix’s cheek. He misses the warmth, so he decides to say, “Stay up here with me for a little while longer.” He turns his attention back towards the ledge his was resting his arms on, looking back up at the dark, starry sky. “It’s a nice night.”

Sylvain doesn’t have to be told twice, following Felix back towards the ledge, standing closer to him this time, and Felix thinks he may just make it through his grief this time.

**Author's Note:**

> you ever think about how felix only has like... his uncle left after rodrigue dies. i do. that shit hurted. and like rodrigue is an fe dad so maybe i shouldn't have expected him to make it but i had high hopes!!!! rip the fraldarius bloodline
> 
> this was also sort of written like... they're not together but they basically are. they just haven't told each other yet bc war but they both know they like each other
> 
> i yell about sylvix all the time on twitter @SylphEmblem feel free 2 join me


End file.
